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Our Fertility Story - Part 1

 I have written and rewritten this post countless times but it never felt like the right time to post it. Until now.

Writing our infertility story is hard. It's scary because it makes it more of a reality. I know I'm not alone in going through infertility but it doesn't make it easier. Seeing others stories has helped me and so I thought I'd share mine. In the hope that it'll help someone else.

So, let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Well, let me start by saying that in the beginning Ian and I didn't want marriage or children. We were both very adamant about that. We soon changed our minds about marriage so should have guessed that we'd change our minds about babies too.

Anyway, lets fast forward a little shall we?

I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of months. I decided it was finally time to see the doctor. I wasn't expecting to be asked to go home and take a pregnancy test. Spoiler alert! I wasn't pregnant.

The doctor just wanted me to double check but I left the doctor's in a panic. How could I be pregnant? This wasn't the plan. Like I said I wasn't but I didn't know that. I became a crazy panicked drama queen whilst Ian remained calm. He said no we hadn't always wanted it but that if we were then maybe it was meant to be. We'd work it out and be okay.

The whole thing got us talking and we realised we did want children. We decided that after we got married the following year I'd come off the pill. Then we could see what happened. We knew it might take a while so we decided not to worry.

The first few months were emotional.

That first month, I was a week late and had most of the pregnancy symptoms. We got excited and thought is this it? We were like children on Christmas morning. I took the test and we waited patiently talking about when we’d want to tell people. We weren’t pregnant. We were both like, oh.

We carried on and didn't think much about it. The next couple of months and I had similar symptoms. Soon I realised this was just part of coming off the pill. I should have guessed as I'd been taking it for over 8 years but the doctor never mentioned how I might be coming off the pill. This all settled down after a while. I'd say it took my body over 6 months to settle down to find its natural balance.

Before we knew it we'd been trying for a year. I was two weeks late. At first, I was apprehensive but we naively allowed ourselves to get excited again and take a test.

Taking the test and getting a negative result felt horrible. Why was I so late? And why was I not pregnant? Age was on our side and whilst we weren’t trying to rush it we started to worry.

We nervously booked an appointment with the doctors as we thought maybe it was something medical.

The day came and we sat in the waiting room nervously waiting for our names to be called. We held each others hands so tight. We knew they couldn’t give us the answers but we hoped they’d be like you’re okay.

I was not prepared for that appointment. I say that because I felt she was a bit harsh. It started off okay being told we'd be sent for some blood tests and that I'd have to have an examination and Ian would have to do a sample. All routine things really.

It was what came next.

Our doctor told us she would refer us to the infertility clinic. The way she said it sounded so dirty and disheartening. There's nothing wrong with that and lots of people go through it but for me, I felt deflated. The doctor made it worse when she said whilst age is on your side if you haven't conceived within two years your deemed medically infertile.

Yes, that's right. Basically, if we'd failed to conceive within two years we were medically deemed infertile. That was a blow. I'd gone in for a bit of hope and felt like I was given the opposite. Looking back I guess they were trying to prepare us.

In reality, it felt like a ticking time bomb.

In addition to all this, we were asked how many times a week we were having sex. Did you know there is such a thing as having too much? Well, there is. Also, I feel this is the time to say trying for a baby doesn’t affect everyone’s sex life. It didn’t ours.

After having our blood tests done which all looked normal we patiently awaited our appointment for the infertility clinic. Little did we know this was just the beginning. 

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